Everyone Chill Out: We're All Getting Into Heaven

I'm on the subway on my way to work this morning reading my new book, Escape by Carolyn Jessop. By the way, I just started it and it's already fascinating. It's the true story of a women who escaped the polygamist FLDS religion/cult. She was forced to marry at 18, and had 8 kids within 15 years... In any case, I'm on the train and reading a passage about the beliefs in the FLDS religion that "when the apocalypse comes," everyone will die and only the FLDS will be saved, protected, and brought into heaven. Thank you, Jesus!

As I'm reading this... I hear a voice on the subway. You've heard it before, I'm sure:
"Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. I am sorry to bother you on your ride this morning..."

Of course, I immediately assume, Oh great. Another person asking for money... but no, it's worse.

"I am here this morning to tell you that although you may not currently have a relationship with the lord, Jesus Christ - he loves each and every one of you. And unless you take Jesus into your hearts today and for always, you will have eternal damnation. If you accept Jesus as your lord and savior, then he will welcome you into the gates of heaven..."

You know the drill.

In any case, it struck me. People are going to have a big surprise when they get to heaven with everyone all up in that piece! Everyone's going to be there, pushing and shoving and totally confused...

"What are YOU doing here?"
"The FLDS are here?"
"The Christians?"
"JEWS? No one expected you!!"

But that's just it... do you really think that the one religion you've chosen is the only one? The correct one? And that... "jokes on you, everybody else!" - you're the REAL ones getting "saved?" The real winners? And... how is it that (except for the Jews) Jesus is involved every time? Can't we just leave Jesus out of it? Clearly he is telling a lot of different people the same freaking story...

And, I'm pretty sure there will be room for all of you once ya'll get there. I mean, it's Heaven - not a NYC studio apartment. Heyo! Nailed it.