I digress.
A few weeks ago, I had a doctor’s appointment. The doctor’s office I go to is in Chinatown and is actually mainly for Chinese immigrants. I’ve been going there for years though and I’m almost always the only non-Asian in the waiting room. You don’t hear much Engrish in the room and the TV screens show Asian game shows all day long - colorful crazy shows just like I saw when I was in Japan. It’s all very amazing. Well, this doctor’s appointment wasn’t different than any other except that I had to give blood. I usually try to avoid that at all costs and you’ll understand why in a moment.
I walk up to the Lab Technician and say what I always say before getting blood taken - mainly so she’ll go easy and be nice to me as I hate needles.
Rae: Just so you know, I’m kind of a wimp with taking blood.
Lab Technician girl: Do you need to lie down? Do you faint?
Rae: No, no I don't faint.
Lab Technician girl: Ok well then let's get started...
Rae: I mean, I used to faint. But I don't anymore.
Lab Technician girl: So are you sure you don't need to lie down?
Rae: No no I’ll be fine.
Lab Technician girl: (clearly worried about dealing with my nonsense/lifeless body in the future) Are you sure?
Rae: Yea I haven’t fainted in years.
5 minutes later...
My face is pale white and I'm totally nauseous. I can tell Lab Technician girl is annoyed because I told her I wasn't going to faint. And I apparently lied. I tried not to though, I swear! I tried to think of anything other than the blood getting taking from my arm thingamajig.
Rae's inner monologue: Don't look. Think about other things. Think about... think about work. Ok work. I should go back to work and finish that oh my god I can't believe how tight that rubber thingy is around my arm gross! Improv! Ok Improv. So I'm really excited for the festival this ew ew ew how much freaking blood is she going to take? This is taking hours! Wendy! I need to call Wendy. Oh wait, maybe she is already on vacation ok seriously the blood has to be done already... oh shit I might be fainting... yup, there I go. I'm fainting.
Next thing I know I think I'm in China but I realize I'm still in the U.S. of A. but I'm just surrounded by 6 Chinese nurses coming at me from every direction. They are all so extremely nice (although I'm sure one of them was laughing) and they are trying to take my pale, floppy body and place it in a wheelchair. Yes, wheelchair. The goal was to wheel me to a bed somewhere so I could lie down. (cue Lab Technician girl's inner monologue: I thought you said you didn't need to lie down.)
I am finally in the wheelchair but I'm only half-conscious and so it takes me a while to realize that there is no where to put my feet. That doesn't keep me from trying to find it though. Feet lift...fall. Lift? Fall. The nurse pushing the wheelchair - yes, she is definitely laughing now - is giggling as my fainty self keeps trying to put my feet on a foot holder that doesn't exist.
They finally get me to a room to lie down, re-check my blood pressure, and tell me I can hang out and lay down as long as I need to. But, I'm fine.
Once I feel the color come back into my face, I put my coat on and sneak out quietly to try to avoid any more embarrassment.
Let's be honest, though, they probably noticed the white girl with scuffed shoes sneaking out the door...
JAJAJA, Oh my God!!! Rae that was too Funny!! -Rob K
ReplyDeleteOMG!!!! Freakin' hilarious!!! You haven't fainted in years? And when was the last time you gave blood? Coincidence?!? You definitely get that from dad. I would say for you to tell him the story but he will get grossed out, and possibly get faint (get faint- the condition of being dizzy or woozy- but not actually faint), from hearing it.
ReplyDeleteHow did you get the nickname "AsianRo?"
;-) ;-)) ;-)))
ReplyDeletereminds me of my fainting at a Reception after tiffing a full glass of Port,
that's after visiting the abattoir earlier on.
wish i look more african or white on my recent visit to Shunde, China - would have had the locals speaking to me inEnglish than in Chinese